


I Won't Let You Go

by HanjooMarkjinLover27



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, mi - Freeform, minor Kim Yugyeom/Im Jaebum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:20:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanjooMarkjinLover27/pseuds/HanjooMarkjinLover27
Summary: I'm tired, I'm alone, I'm ugly. Does anyone worry about me? Are you looking for me? Do you think about me ? Are you going to save me ...?please  I know that i'm dirty, shame gnaws at me, the cold froze everything in the city and bite my naked skin , while i'm lying on the floor of this alley, but please save me.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, Im Jaebum | JB/Kim Yugyeom, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Victim of Love

**Author's Note:**

> since I didn’t manage to fall asleep yesterday I started to write  
> I hope this story will please you there are already three chapter of writing  
> I will try to post them quickly  
> enjoy your reading

I remember our first meeting , Jinyoung had introduced me to you, their new meeting. You were the most handsome man on whom my gaze had rested.

\- So Jaebum I want to introduce you to my cute small ray of sunshine Youngjae; youngjae this is my best friend Jaebum he was abroad to continue his studies, and now he is back.  
Of course during the presentations I had my head down , because I knew that I was chubby that I was ugly. I was ashamed to stand next to perfect human like you .  
\- Hey Youngjae , i hope we can become friend. He smiled at me  
\- Ye..yes I ho…hope that too. I stuttered  
Yet ,you were laughing saying that i was cute, at that moment, I found that you had the most magnificent laugh that I had ever heard.  
It's funny, but now I think I understand the meaning of that laughter that was so beautiful for me. You were making fun, as you have been doing all this time.  
I have always underestimated myself, and especially when it's related to you, It’s true that I was ugly unlike you, with that horrible face I had, those big cheeks, that dripping laugh .  
I've always considered you perfection, and quickly fell in love.  
I never thought you would have agreed to go out with someone like me , but they convinced me to tell you that I had nothing to lose after all  
\- But he's going to reject me hyung.  
\- stop saying ca youngjae; he has no reason to do it  
-But look at me.  
\- and I see one of the most beautiful and cute boys I have never seen. Jinyoung hyung said while hugging me.  
-hey and me in all of this. said mark hyung, puffing his cheeks.  
\- After Mark hyung of course  
\- I prefer that. He said kissing Jinyoung hyung cheek  
-EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW take a room. I say laughing  
-Jinyoung is right you should have more confidence in yourself Youngjae, you deserve to be happy. Mark hyung says smiling at me

I was well prepared for you to decline my request although I wanted to try my luck, like they said I got nothing to lose, if only I had know , I was an idiot to believe in you .  
With you, I felt lucky, happy, I regained a little confidence in myself, because you said "yes" it was necessarily because you found me beautiful, if not, you wouldn’t accept to be my boyfriend ,this is what i told myself, so over time, these resentments were gone.

The day we told the others they were so happy especially Jinyoung hyung.  
-I am so happy for you two; you see that I was right Youngjae. Said Jinyoung hyung with such a dazzling smile I only do the head smiling while holding the hand of Jaebum hyung  
-But if you hurt him Jaebum I assure you that I will not hesitate to smash you Jaebum. Said mark hyung very seriously.  
-Come on babe I am sure that Jaebum will take care of him right hyung.  
I watched as Jaebum hyung looked awkward answering Jinyoung hyung .  
-Y..yeah I’ll don’t worry.

But now I really understood, that it was only pity that you felt towards me. Nothing else, except maybe the desire to have fun with my weaknesses, the desire to break me in a thousand little pieces that will be impossible to put back .Was that why you agreed to go out with me? That was why you had stayed with me for so long right .  
Now I remember you never told me you loved me, you simply answered me with a "me too" when I told you , I was content with it , there were also all those times, when I asked you to make love to me, you always refused, on the pretext that it was too early for us, that you were afraid you will be too caught up in the moment and you could hurt me , and like the idiot that I was, I believed you, I was even happy that you were paying attention to me, to my wellbeing ; you know that feeling of satisfaction you felt when someone wanted to take care of you. I have always been satisfied with it.  
After six months of relationship , I moved in with you and at same time I had taken a small job to help you even if you always told me that it wasn’t necessary that you were earning good to make a living for both of us , but I didn't want to feel like a burden to you.  
But you started coming home late at night, and you were so tired , that you quickly swallowed the meal that I prepared for you each time, before going to take a shower and sit on the sofa in the living room, in front of the TV.  
It was our routine and depending on the day you sometimes fell asleep in the living room, leaving me alone in our bed frozen by your absence.  
In fact, even when we slept together, you seemed far away, lying on one side of the bed and me on the other, you always turned your back on me, you never took me in your arms, we never slept against each other , there was no emotional gesture, except those of a brother, a friend like a quick hug or ruffle my hair, but I was always satisfied with it , for me I was so lucky to have you, I was so blind , I couldn't see anything except you each of your gestures towards me, each of your smiles, each embrace .  
I also remember, all those nights on weekends, where you went out until the early morning. These outings started about a year after I arrived at your house , to justify them, you told me that you are working late shifts or that you are with some friends that I don’t know, and just like that you left me alone in our apartment. I don't know if you knew that your behavior was hurting me, and it’s not like I ever told you, I watched you, as if you were running away, as if you were abandoning me and everything that still linked us.  
Maybe I was exaggerating but without you, I felt so lonely , all I could do was to wait for you, waiting for your return again and again, no matter what the hours, I stayed awake in front of the television while you allowed yourself to forget me like I was nothing . 

It was a Saturday evening that our daily life changed, that I opened my eyes, and that I finally understood everything  
You were taking your usual shower before you left, when your cell phone, unfortunately forgotten on the kitchen table, lit up and vibrated, announcing that you had just received a message , thinking it was a message from a friend, and being aware of your inability to respond, I was looking for it for you. Curiosity was really a bad thing I felt like my heart stopped when I read what was written .  
Yugyeom baby  
Hey love i'm going to be a little late, can't wait to be with you  
i miss you so much love you  
see you .  
So that was the reason for your night outings? You were cheating on me? You got a "lover" .  
That evening, something had broken in me at the sudden discovery, was it my heart? My soul? I really don’t know.  
I just put your cellphone back in its place, and I had gone to lie down on the sofa, as I did each time. Although in the inside, I was suffering as never, as if my heart was being trampled on; I was just feeling so empty.  
Was it because I refused to get used to the idea of Jaebum’s affair, was it because I considered our couple to be perfect or was it because I was afraid, that if I talked about it with you throw me away. Maybe I wanted to convince myself of your loyalty.  
I sincerely regret staying without doing anything, without holding you back ... I could have held you back, asking you for explanations.  
But would have mean , I would risk losing the little affection that you gave to me, your ugly boyfriend, I was jealous of this stranger this ; Yugyeom is he that handsome? does he deserve you more than me? does he love you more than i do? why is he preventing me from me the little happiness I had , which I could believe I had deserved.


	2. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone I hope you are all well , first I want to thank all the kudos sooooooooo thank to so much!!!!!!  
> So here is the 2nd chapter, hoping that you will appreciate it  
> also there is a Rape part in the chapter that I specify with a ''warning ''  
> so you can skip this part and continue.  
> hope you'll enjoy your reading XOXO

That night was the only one where I hadn't waited for you to come back; I didn’t cry, at least not in front of you , and at the same time, I started to lose my appetite , I didn’t deprive myself really but , I could no longer swallow anything, or I would vomit otherwise.

I ended up losing the chubby cheeks, and of course you had noticed, as a good boyfriend that you tried to appear, you spent your days giving me my moral lessons that my low weight isn’t healthy and that I needed to eat more, but how did you want me to eat when I imagined you in the arms of another?

Even mark and Jinyoung started asking questions because of what i was looking, and if something happened between us, I lied , and for the first time I lied to them , lied to the only people who really cared about me , saying that I just wanted to lose weight, and that everything was perfect between us that you are the best boyfriend in the world, lies, lies, all lies.

My condition only got worse, I ended up becoming insomniac, you tortured me into my sleep, now I cried on any occasion, especially when you told me that you were worried about my condition and that you wanted to make an appointment with the doctor. It was all a lie, you were a good talker, because if you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have been dissuade as easily when I told I was okay, but above all you would have stopped your dates.

It's funny that I still feel so much love for you .. I don't know what to do ... I’m hurt because of you , I can't even blame you, you who stayed with me, who supported me when I was only pitiful boy .

My torture had lasted more than seven months, it was yesterday that I had cracked, while you were sleeping peacefully, and, in a more than attractive position, I had an erotic vision of the two of us that had managed to awaken my desire. me naked, on you, our united bodies, something I would never have.

It was the first time since I learned of your affair that I had such a desire. I didn't want to want you anymore, at least no more .

It was while going out in the middle of the night, because i needed some fresh air that I set foot in a seedy bar at the end of the city. It had never happened to me before to go to such places, but I did really hit rock bottom this time though.

The bar was famous for its bad frequentations, its drug trafficking, prostitutes, yet it was there, where I had decided to go. Bad idea, but I thought that this kind of place corresponded to someone like me.

I had discovered the intoxicating taste of different alcohols, the feeling of warmth, well-being, relief that they could give us, I felt liberated, soothed. I chained the dry ass glasses and I began to lose my self-control, it was a new me, I felt good, even if I acted like a depraved bitch dancing with anyone passing by, even if all this well-being was due to over-consumed of alcohols.

When the bar closed I had to throw myself out on the street, as if I wasn't pitiful enough, my life was so disastrous why did I believe during those brief moments that it was possible for me to experience a little happiness, although it was fake and unhealthy, Why am I so naive? Why did I still have a little hope in me, after all these disappointments?

I had lost track of time, and I was staggering in the alley perpendicular to the main street, I was looking for a way to take me home, but I was lost.

warning

A silhouette stood out in the shadow of the night. I don't know why, but I had the impression that I should run, but before I had a chance to run, that the latter pressed me against the cold and filthy wall. Thanks to the moonlight, I was able to recognize him, he waq one of the men with whom I had flirted earlier in the evening. His breath stank he offered to accompany him to a hotel room, an offer that I immediately politely declined.

My negative answer put him out of it, and he got violent with me. It's hands grabbed my wrists and held them over my head. It hurt me, it scared me, I knew what it intended to do to me he was going to take what Jaebum had always refused .

I was crying, even in such a humiliating and frightening situation I still thought of you, please, come and save me! The man licked my neck, sometimes biting it, or sucked it between his teeth. It was not pleasant, it was disgusting but it didn’t matter. I cried, I tried to fight back but I was too weak compared to him, and all the alcohol which I had in the blood didn’t help my state.

My almost tattered clothes ended up on the floor. My hoarse voice, my broken cries, were only murmurs in the sleeping street. His teeth plucked my flesh tips after his tongue ran through them, he ordered me to get on my knees take his cock off his pant .

My fingers were shaking but I was in no position to stand up to him , as soon as his cock was out , it had forced the barrier of my lips.

He sank into the back of my throat quickly and so violently that in addition to the pain, I felt that he was going to suffocate me. When he comes, the foul taste of his sperm spread in my mouth. I must have swallowed half of it , the other party was spit out on the ground mixed with my blood , by his violence he had irritated the back of my throat and caused this bleeding. Tonight was my descent into hell, worse than death itself.

My torturer was not done with me , he had knelt between my and spread my legs apart. No matter how much I tried to push him away, to hit him, it was useless against him, he didn't move. I was too weak and he knew it.

His hands gripped my thighs as unbearable pain was felt in my pelvis. He laughed, moaned and caressed my body at his mercy.

At first I thought he had pierced me with a blade, but this hypothesis was quickly refuted when I felt an imposing presence move in me and tear my flesh away.

He was brutal, and I was in terrible pain.

END OF THE warning 

Jaebum, I wish it was you .. But he forced me.

Tears ran from my closed eyes. How were you going to react when you learn what happened to me.

Will you laugh ?Will you hate me ?.

I still called you, in my destroyed voice, "Jeabum ..." But You hadn’t come.

I'm dirty, shame gnaws at me, the cold bites my naked skin. I'm lying alone, in this alley that has become the place of all my nightmares. I am in pain, I bathe in my own blood and sperm, but I can’t move. I can't scream anymore, the last thing i remember before I lost consciousness was you.


	3. Stop Stop It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody  
> I really apologize for the delay I wanted to post the chapter more than 10 days ago ,but certain events prevented me from doing it ;and I am really sorry about , and I tried to put more dialogue in this chapter tell me what you think  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter thanks for reading *---*.

Jinyoung P.O.V

I can't sleep again this night, the last few months have been really weird , I don't know what to do the suspicious behavior of youngjae, he has drastically changed his weight loss really worries me and it’s like Jaebum isn’t that much worried , I decide to talk with Mark about it.

-Babe don't you think youngjae and Jaebum are weird lately?

-Oh you noticed it too.

-Of course I did; I can’t understand Youngjae anymore it’s true that he has always been a bit complexed by his weight but now he looks more like a zombie and Jaebum look like he doesn’t give damn about it, maybe something really happen between them.

-But he told us that everything was fine between them.

-I have known Youngjae for a long time to now when he lies to me.

-Do you ..... do you think that Jaebum mistreats him?

-No I don't think, at least not intentionally, but I find his behavior is weird, he never shows affection towards youngjae when we are in public.

-Maybe he is just shy.

I was going to answer when my phone rang, we look at each other intrigued, who will call at three in the morning I ended up answering.

\- “Is this Park Jinyoung?” A raspy, clearly older, voice boomed strongly through the receiver.

-Uh, yeah…w-who is this? I asked nervously

-This is the police.

\- The police . I repeated shocked while looking at Mark with wide eyes.

-Yes.

-What can I help you with, officer? I started to really become anxious.

-I’m sorry to bother you at this hour but do you know Choi Youngjae? He asked me.

-Yes, I do. Has something happened? Now I was completely panicked

-I must inform you that your friend is in the hospital after an attack, we need you.

after he puts in which hospital where is youngjae I hang up the phone panicked completely , we hurry to dress with Mark before taking the car and driving directly to the hospital it took us twenty minutes to get there, I'm heading straight to the front disc, to find out where he is.

We quickly arrive in front of your room where an officer and a doctor are at the door

-Excuse us ; I am Park Jinyoung, I’m here for Choi Youngjae, is he fine?

-He is inconsistent, we are waiting for the results of the blood tests to be sure that he has not contracted anything.

\- Blood test? 

-Your friend was found in an alley in the southern neighborhoods of the city, you know what he did there?

-Absolutely not , can you tell me what happened ?

-Your friend was raped.

I felt like an electric traveling through me, after exchanging a few words with them they finally leave telling us that we can wait in the room in case Youngjae wakes up, once in the room Mark takes me in his arms and I start crying while mark caresses my back to calm me down, after ten minutes I take place on the chair near the bed and take his hand.

-How something like this happened and ... where the fuck is Jaebum?

Mark is right such a thing should never have happened, what was youngjae doing in such a district and why Jaebum wasn’t with him.

I take my phone to call Jaebum and it’s after seven calls that he decides to finally answer.

-Hello? do you know what time is it Jinyoung. His low voice was thick with sleep.

-And you know where your boyfriend is? Asked bitter

-What? of course he's just lying ..... he's not here.

-Of course he isn’t or I wouldn’t have ask.

-So he is at your house?

-No try again

-Jinyoung it's not funny.

-Oh do you want to know what's funny? The fact that you didn’t realize that your boyfriend isn’t in the bed with you but in a hospital one.

-Hospital ... the hospital what happened. He ask with panic in his voice

-You only have to come if you want to know it so much.

I give him the room number and hang up, Mark was in front of the window looking outside, I place my gaze on Youngjae unconscious on the hospital bed, he is pale and so thin that my heart sinks at his sight that you have made of him Im Jaebum.

Thirty minutes later racing noise was heard before the door opened on a breathless Jaebum and barely he had set foot in the room that Mark gave him a well-deserved punch before taking it by the collar of his hoodie.

-WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU ASSHOLE!

\- I was at home I came as fast as I could to come here.

-I'm not talking about that you motherfucker, where were you when Youngjae was getting assaulted tell me?!

he didn’t answer and contented himself with lowering his head and looking at the ground, I could see mark ready gave him another blow, and I preferred to stop them before the three of us were kicked out of the hospital, I approach Mark and ask him to go out to calm down a bit, he gives one last glare at Jaebum before leaving the room.

\- I hope you are proud of yourself, all of this is your fault, it’s your duty to protect him and you can’t even do that well.

-I didn't know he was out , but he's fine he doesn't seem to have anything broken so he's fine.

-He was raped

-Raped…..who did that.

-We don't know someone found him half naked in an alley in south.

The shock and the incomprehension could be read on his face I don't know what really thought anymore, he looks me in the eyes before asking me if I can leave him alone to watch Youngjae.

I accept I have no valid reason not to leave him, I shake my head before I head towards Youngjae and kiss his forehead, once outside the door I turn to him one last time to warn him of try to fix things or the next time I won’t stop Mark.

Youngjae P.O.V

I’m dead right , just tell me that I’m dead and that I don’t have to face the world again , but no of course not ; I can hear machine noises when I come back to myself , I’m in the hospital.

They saved me. I have been washed, changed, and cared for. Jaebum is there as well, he is sleeping, his head rests on my stomach.

Where you the one to find me? Or did somebody save me ? Do you know what happen to me? Are you going to break up with me now ? 

Why are you watching over me? Don’t you have better things to do with your real boyfriend, but he would do everything to look after his image of the perfect boyfriend with me, I should be happy that he is here but I don't care , It disgusts me, life disgusts me. Why don't you stop acting, show your true face.

Why are you waking up? Is it because of the jolts produced by my tears? And to say that I wanted a happy life with you, and to say that it is quite the opposite. Ihate you, but at the same time I love you ; before I was so happy to have you beside me; yet now every time I see you I cry.

-You ... Are you crying? You asked me while rubbing your eyes.

I look away but you keep going.

-Why did you go out alone that late? And to go to such a place? And to do what ? just look what happened to you.

I don't say anything, I try to contain my anger after what you say , it’s because of you ,everything is because of you.

-Youngjae , tell me what will happen if you catch something ,what we’ll do.

That’s it , I explode I can’t do this anymore, your voice full of kindness, fake kindness ;it’s make me sick so don't use it with me .

\- Why do you want to know? You don't care about me, you never really cared about me! You don't love me, you never did! I know everything! Go away ! Go back with your real boyfriend! LEAVE ME ALONE !you are a liar, liar, liar, I hate you!

That's it, I did it I silenced you, your face turns white, however it doesn’t relieve me I’m still crying my eye out.

I believe I start to want you to leave me for good now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it   
> thank's again for reading

**Author's Note:**

> I know this chapter is short like really short but the next ones will be longer  
> I promise you I hope you have enjoyed the start of this fiction  
> have a nice day xoxo


End file.
